16 Zingers For Anyone Whose Social Battery Is At 1%

* My doctor told me to watch my weight, so now I’m looking at it very closely while it increases.

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* I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I just selected "Are you still watching?" as a career goal.

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* I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s still just sitting on the desk. Worst transformer ever.

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* My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do today.

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* I’ve reached the age where my back goes out more than I do.

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* I’m at that awkward stage in life where I need money but I also don’t want to work for it.

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* Following a recipe means checking the screen every 4 seconds until your phone gets covered in flour.

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* I don't need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new, terrifying look every morning for free.

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* My favorite childhood memory is not paying for bills or thinking about dinner every single day.

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* I told myself I’d start waking up early, but my alarm clock and my dreams reached a different agreement.

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* I have a clean-as-you-go policy, which means I clean nothing and go to sleep.

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* My physical fitness level is best described as: "Ugh, the remote is all the way over there."

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* I finally organized my desk. Now I can’t find anything and I’ve ruined the ecosystem.

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* Adulthood is just saying, "Well, it is what it is," until you fall asleep.

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* I checked my bank account balance today and it looks like I need to develop a hobby that involves staring at a wall.

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* My social battery doesn't just drain; it completely deletes the software and goes black.

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