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“When Mosquitoes see Chuck Norris, they start itching.”

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If you ever laughed at Chuck Norris wearing a Kilt, he'd of kilt you.

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When going to the dentist,Chuck Norris refuses to be 'numbed up'.

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Chuck Norris has assisted in open heart surgery... On himself.

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Chuck Norris can spell onomonopea

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Why has Chuck Norris never been challenged to a duel?

Because no one would ever dare to b*tch slap Chuck Norris.

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Fire ants can't look at Chuck Norris without bursting into flames.

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'Who's' on first, 'Whats' on second, 'I don't know' is on third, Chuck Norris is at home.

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Chuck Norris can sweat AND wear wool.

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To make it fair, Chuck Norris spots Michael Jordan 11 points in one on one.