16 Zingers For Anyone Whose Social Battery Is At 1%
* My doctor told me to watch my weight, so now I’m looking at it very closely while it increases. ``` * I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I just selected "Are you still watching?" as a career goal. ``` * I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s still just sitting on the desk. Worst transformer ever. ``` * My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do today. ``` * I’ve reached the age where my back goes out more than I do. ``` * I’m at that awkward stage in life where I need money but I also don’t want to work for it. ``` * Following a recipe means checking the screen every 4 seconds until your phone gets covered in flour. ``` * I don't need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new, terrifying look every morning for free. ``` * My favorite childhood memory is not paying for bills or thinking about dinner every single day. ``` * I told myself I’d start waking up early, but my alarm clock and my dreams reached a different agreement. ``` * I have a ...
