Monday, December 23, 2013

Smart Ass

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight To Canada.

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate in Florida to

check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the

ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing

a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store in
New York but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She

asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy

replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer in Montgomery got out of his car as the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid
replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and

noticed a sign that read:

Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows i t, the bridge is right in front of him and
his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police

car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

An Alabama college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you

not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack
or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your

immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room

raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and
snickering when silence was restored, the teacher smiled

knowingly at the st udent, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

 
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

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