These classified ads were really put in the paper
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
Mother, A Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog . . Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. £200 or
best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows f *****g everything.