Hawaii's joke is they keep raising the prices, and the tourists still come -- and none of the actual natives get a penny of benefit.
Want to join a militia? Idaho's your state. Here are some terms to learn:
Commander: Whoever starts the unit.
Second in Command: His best friend.
Auxiliary Commander: His wife.
Captain: New guy.
Militia Headquarters: The basement of whoever has the fax machine.
Squad: Guys in the ambulance who come out when a militia member accidentally shoots himself during training.
This is how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough." --Richard Jeni
How boring is Indiana? The entire state is so boring that no one has ever bothered to make up a good joke about the state.
What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald's in Iowa? Prom night.
What do a jackknifed semi in Ohio, a guy getting a divorce in Alabama, and a tornado in Kansas have in common? They're all fixin' to lose a trailer.
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it'd been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
What differentiates a zoo in Louisiana from other zoos? The Louisiana zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
After surveying property along the New Hampshire and Maine border, some engineers decided the boundaries needed to be changed. So they stopped to tell a farmer that he was no longer in Maine but in New Hampshire. "Good," said the farmer. "I couldn't take another one of those Maine winters."
An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. "Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?" "Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?"
The plebe snaps to attention and barks, "No, sir!”