First one (:
Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around a supermarketwhen they collide.
The first bloke says to the second bloke, "Sorry about that. I'mlooking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to whereI was going".
The second bloke says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm lookingfor my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a littledesperate".
The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What doesyour wife look like"?
The second bloke says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, 5 feet 11 inchestall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, big jubblies, long legs and iswearing tiny little shorts and a crop top. What does your wife looklike"?
The first bloke says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
Second One (:
A Somalian arrives in Birmingham as a new immigrant to England.
He stops the first man he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. Englishman for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!
'The man says, 'You are mistaken, I am Pakistani.
'The Somali man goes on and encounters another passer-by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in the UK!
'This person says, 'I no British, me Polish.
'He walks on and stops the next person, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful things in England!
'This person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from India, I am not English!
'Finally, he sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you English?
'She says,' No, I am from Africa!
'Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the English people?
'The African lady checks her watch and says ...
' Probably at work!! '
Third One haha
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia.
How'd you die?1st woman: I froze to death2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. Whatbout you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that myhusband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act Butinstead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewherethat I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the atticand searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closetand checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had lookedeverywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heartattack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer........ we'dboth still be alive..................
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.