Monday, March 16, 2009

Best divorce letter ever

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw..

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that Ihad a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal andeven wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate intwo minutes, and went straight to sleep after watchingall of your shows.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't wantsex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!

**********************************************************

Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for sevenyears, although a good woman is a far cry from whatyou've been. I watch my shows so much because they drownout your constant whining and griping. Too bad thatdoesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but thefirst thing that came to mind was 'You look just like aboy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything ifyou can't say something nice, didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must havegotten me confused with my brother, because I stoppedeating meat seven years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from youbecause the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and Iprayed that it was a coincidence that my brother hadjust borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that wecould work it out. So when I hit the lottery for tenmillion pounds, I quit my job and bought us two ticketsto Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but mybrother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not aproblem.

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